The Loneliest Generation
“Loneliness is not a lack of people. It’s a lack of connection. ”
We love to tell ourselves we just need a little time alone. A weekend to recharge. A night to ourselves. Some space. But at a certain point, it’s not about “me time”—it’s just isolation with better branding.
There’s a quiet kind of loneliness that creeps in when you've gone too long without real connection. You might not even notice it at first. You're doing your thing, handling your responsibilities, maybe even checking off all the self-care boxes. But something still feels... off. You’re restless. You’re numb. You’re starting to forget what it feels like to be seen.
A lot of people confuse isolation with independence. We’ve been sold the idea that needing people makes us weak, or that solitude is some badge of strength. But there’s a difference between solitude and emotional starvation. One recharges you. The other slowly erodes your sense of self.
Here’s the thing: connection isn’t just a modern luxury—it’s hardwired into us. Humans evolved in small, interdependent groups where survival depended on social bonds (Dunbar, 1998; Tomasello, 2014). Our nervous systems literally calibrate through other people—regulating stress, emotion, and even immune function (Cozolino, 2014; Porges, 2011). Isolation wasn’t just unpleasant, it was dangerous. Our brains still read social disconnection as a threat. That’s why chronic loneliness lights up the same brain regions as physical pain (Eisenberger et al., 2003). It’s not all in your head—it’s in your wiring.
In fact, research shows that strong social connection correlates with everything from longer lifespan to lower rates of anxiety, depression, heart disease, and even dementia (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010; Umberson & Montez, 2010). Connection isn’t just “nice to have.” It’s protective. It’s medicine. And the lack of it—especially for men, who are often socially isolated without realizing it—can quietly wear you down from the inside out.
You weren’t built to go it alone. Connection isn’t just a luxury—it’s a need. And no, scrolling through your group chat doesn’t count. You need eye contact. Laughter. Vulnerability. The kind of conversations that go beyond sports, work, or what you’re binge-watching.
If you’re feeling off lately, maybe don’t default to another solo night. Maybe reach out. Text a friend. Join something. Let someone in. You don’t have to bare your soul—but you do have to show up.
Because the truth is, no one climbs out of isolation by staying alone.
Take the First Step
It’s hard to reach out, I get it… But you know what is even harder than reaching out? Staying the same.
So take a chance and schedule an appointment- let’s work together to make your goals a reality.
References
Cozolino, L. (2014). The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: Attachment and the Developing Social Brain. W. W. Norton & Company.
Dunbar, R. I. M. (1998). The social brain hypothesis. Evolutionary Anthropology, 6(5), 178–190.
Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302(5643), 290–292.
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLOS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation. Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology.
Tomasello, M. (2014). A Natural History of Human Thinking. Harvard University Press.
Umberson, D., & Montez, J. K. (2010). Social relationships and health: A flashpoint for health policy. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 51(1_suppl), S54–S66.
